What Does It Mean To Be Homosexual?

Aside from the obvious, what does it mean and why does it matter?

The more I spend time with fellow “homos”, the more I realize we have nothing — and everything — in common. As with any other group of people, we have had vastly different experiences. Some have made it smoothly from Point A to Point B, feeling no need to explore further, and others are still meandering somewhere around the mid-alphabet area, thinking that the goal is Z and they’ll get there eventually.

And that pretty well describes humanity as a whole. We are safe or we are adventurous. We find comfort in security or we risk it all to find out what else is out there.

If I were to hazard a guess about the evolution of human sexuality, it would be to propose that our obsession with “sex” is entering obsolescence. We have elevated the process by which life is perpetuated to some sort of mythic means of “seeing God”, “moving the world”, the ultimate goal of human experience, when really, it just feels good. Let’s not be grandiose and give it any more vital import than that.

Yet, we’re still trying to control each other over what has essentially become a recreational past time. We base lifelong relationships on whether or not we are sexually compatible and far too often, we find out — too late — that we are not. So what do we do? We go off and find someone else who might be. And someone else, and someone else, and someone else….

We all do it. Gay, straight — we too often miss the essence of the person because of how the body parts fit. We try so hard to wedge ourselves into some preconceived mold that we completely lose touch with who we are and who we are meant to be. For as long as sexuality is the most important part of the relationship, we’ll never find the person who is the perfect one to share our life with.

But as religion would have it, our wonderfully expressive, creative selves must be crammed into a tiny box of acceptable behavior. Please forgive the irony of that statement but maybe it’s entirely apropos. We have reduced the whole of human experience into a weak, submissive woman at the hands of an angry, powerfully endowed God.

Maybe homosexuality exists to bring balance to that energy. Maybe homosexuality understands that this dynamic cannot continue if humanity is to ultimately survive and evolve. And maybe, that’s exactly what was intended and we continue to keep it from happening because we don’t want to further anger Big Daddy, when maybe what Big Daddy needs is an intervention from his family.

What homosexuality is not, at least from what I’ve seen, is an obsession with sex. It is about a balance of power in relationships. It is about learning to embrace both the masculine and the feminine in each of us. It is about encouraging ALL couples, gay and straight, to find the place of cooperation that appreciates the strong and the vulnerable parts of each other and learns to love them equally.

A great relationship does not just raise healthy, happy children. It raises happy, healthy adults. We need to learn to trust each other to know how to get from Point A to Point B in the most effective way possible. And if it’s your inclination to make it all the way to Point Z, then may you find that perfect companion to help you get there.